Embarking on the Courageous Journey Towards Freedom
By: Drew Taunton, LPC Practicum Student at Dallas Baptist University, Practicing at Crawford Clinics
Purpose: This blog is written by a male counselor who has struggled with many of the same issues you are currently facing as a young man. For years I struggled with unwanted sexual behavior, shame, and living a double life because of my secrets. I was always afraid of being found out and felt as if I was the only one in the world facing these trials. If you find yourself in the same dark pit I want you to know freedom is possible and the life you want is within reach no matter how long you’ve been struggling.
For those who have a family member or friend in the same boat I would also encourage you to dive deeper and learn how purpose and Identity are right around the corner of shame and secrecy. I hope to give you a better understanding of this struggle and how it plagues many of the men in our society, young and old. Let us work together and see the change we so deeply desire, thanks for reading!
Society’s unspoken struggle
An interesting dynamic we find ourselves in today’s world is that unwanted sexual behavior seems to be a shared struggle with most men and yet the struggle is so rarely discussed openly. You may feel like there is something wrong with you because of the shame you feel and the secrets you have to hide. Shame is there to tell you you’re alone and if anyone finds out you’ll be rejected. However, in my experience, with the right people, there is so much grace and acceptance through opening up, not continuing to live in the dark. For many of you these unwanted behaviors have served to help you cope or protect you from whatever trial or trauma you are facing.
While it is good to have things inside us that seek to protect us, those very things can begin to rot the foundation in which we want to live our lives, a life of freedom and good desire. Now the first step for any recovery journey is acknowledging that there is a problem, that is 50% of the battle. The next step is that you come to understand how you got here, why you stay, and how to get out and be the man you want to be.
Getting up again
For many of you you’ve tried different strategies to undo this struggle whether that’s different apps, computer blockers, accountability partners, etc. and have found yourself back at square one. I would like to offer you two ideas: one, those past things weren’t a waste of time and they provided seeds for freedom and two: we have to understand the deep wound or wounds within us that drive the shame and unwanted behaviors, once we identify and find healing then true freedom will sprout up. I also want you to know that it is okay to have doubts, fears, and any other emotion you are feeling. Those are part of the journey, but I want to promise you you’re not alone and freedom is possible.
First Steps: Before starting on your journey I have some prompts for you to think about.
What am I feeling before I act out - what's happening in my thoughts, what was said or what happened just before I began craving what I otherwise want to avoid?
What are my triggers - is it being alone, being exhausted, words others say to me, memories that surface... reflect on what occurred in the time between not being fixated on the behavior and then seeking it out.
What am I really searching for in these behaviors - do I feel calmer, excited, less anxious - what's the reward I'm experiencing while I'm engaging in these activities?
Now while these aren’t silver bullet answers they can get the wheels turning and create momentum for you to understand yourself and your struggle more. While I know this journey can seem scary or maybe even hopeless I want you to know it is going to be okay in the end. A quote I love for those times is from The Dark Knight, it goes, “Night is darkest just before the dawn, and I promise you the Dawn is coming.” You’re never out of the fight and I look forward to our journey together.
BOOK a session by texting 'DREW' to 817-601-5540
