Summer’s Over.... Here’s How to Make this Year Better than All the Others:
Summer’s Over.... Here’s How to Make this Year Better Than All The Others:
By: Will Cole, MMFT Practicum Student at The King’s University, practicing at Crawford Clinics
Disclaimer: The letter below is from me as a male therapist to young men starting school. If you are a young man, continue reading and enjoy. If you are a parent, I encourage you to read the letter and enjoy reading to further understand the perspective of your son as he goes through transition. Thank you for taking the time to read!
Summer is almost over. The days of gaming, time at the pool, all day hangouts with friends, and sleeping in are just about to be replaced with backpacks, homework, and curfews. If you are anything like the school-aged guys that I know, this is a difficult adjustment every year even if you aren’t saying so out loud, and that is okay. Here’s a few thoughts on what might be going on as well as some tools that might be helpful:
The Quiet Pressure No One Talks About
Whether you are getting ready for middle school, high school, college, trade school, etc. it is possible that this time of year, you begin to start feeling like you are on a treadmill going from a walking pace to a dead sprint in the matter of one second. Getting good grades, making the varsity team, looking at the work you will have to do on your course syllabi, and even the basic daily conversations you have with your parents can all bring about a subtle, silent pressure that can build up without you giving it much attention. It is okay to identify this pressure and acknowledge its effect on you. Chances are, most if not all guys around you are experiencing the same pressure even if they don’t or won’t say so out loud. You are not alone and talking about this quiet pressure can relieve a lot of the stress. I encourage you to think of someone in your inner circle that you can talk to about it. Even if your trusted confidant acts initially surprised or caught off guard about you bringing it up, don’t be alarmed. Sometimes it takes guys a while to get used to the idea of talking about this and starting this conversation may actually be the best thing for your friend too. Another option is to find a journal or open up a new document on your computer and just start writing about the pressure. Journaling doesn’t get enough credit from us guys. The important thing is to not let the pressure fester inside of you.
A New Year, A Chance To Reset
The best part about a new academic year is a chance to start over. Not only are you allowed to grow and present a new you, chances are you most likely did grow even if you feel or act mostly the same. Embrace the opportunity to reset even if your last few years have gone really well. A good, hard reset is healthy regardless of what your past looks like.
Let me give you permission at this very moment to:
1. Acknowledge your need for help and ask for it even if you think you should have it all together.
2. Reflect and be proud of the successes and wins in your life up to this point. It’s crucial to pause and reflect during a reset.
3. Ignore the noise around that your gut tells you is unhelpful (even if peers tell you that you need to pay attention to it).
4. Be passionate about the things you care about even if your peers or teammates think it’s uncool.
Tools That Actually Help
A few tips for when the school-year stress ramps up:
Routine > Motivation: Build structure even when you don’t feel like it. It gives your brain something to hold onto during times of stress and can allow your day to go smoothly even amidst potential chaos.
Allow yourself to feel it: When emotions or tension builds up, try writing, doing something active, and/or talking it out with someone you trust. You don’t have to sit with it and let it continue to eat at you.
Your crew matters (A lot): The people around you affect how you feel about yourself even if you tell yourself the opposite. Find and invest in the people around you that invite your authentic self, not just your highlight reel self. Even if it means making sacrifices, investing in the right people is the best decision you can make.
You're Not Weak. You're Human
Going through life as a young man today can be complicated and hard. You are trying to get through each day while the world around you is telling you what and who you should or shouldn’t be. Guys who are able to acknowledge the struggle and make an effort to pinpoint how to maneuver through it tend to have more success over guys that let the struggle remain.
I’m not at all asking you to totally revamp your life or do something crazy. Little steps in the right direction are enough. Whether it’s opening up to a friend or trusted adult, writing in your journal, or making a small change here or there, your small steps allow for you to continue to grow and become who you were meant to be.
You were born for this. Enjoy and embrace your journey.
Always remember, you’re not alone in the fight.
— Will Cole
